After the massive *cough* success of Aanties wala article, we thought that there should be more because we missed some of them. Here are the new ones, which you can find easily around your mohalla/galli.
First of the lot are the kamayti waali anntiyan. They can be found in every mohalla and they have the knowledge of who’s the richest in the galli. She’ll try to get in that house and with some lallo chappo, woh aapko kamayti daalne pe majboor kardain gi. She’ll get knowledge of your relatives and will ask them to contribute in it too with offers like ‘aadhi aap daal lain, aadhi koi aur le le ga’ and ‘aap ko doosra number dedoon gi, bas yeh members pooray kara dain’
Next up, there are the udhaar maangne wali. Mostly, they are also found in every locality. She’ll come every month/week to your doorstep and moan about the inflation, recession and the political situation. Between the talks, she’ll start talking about her bad financial position and will ask you to lend Rs. 500 or 1000 (at least) for a week, claiming that she’ll return as soon as her spouse/brother will get his salary. For amounts less than 500, they are never counted as udhaar and as a matter of fact, ab apne paison per aap fateha parh lo, the return date never comes. Trust me.
Thirdly, there are the braggers. She’ll brag about every single thing she buys or she gets as a gift, even if its a Lota. She’ll praise it so much so that you will be convinced that it has no other substitute. She’ll brag about her clothes, accessories, appliances and will try to make an issue out of anything. She’ll brag about her kids’ academic results and activities. ‘Haaye Allah, mera Pappu first aaya hai, top kara hai school mein. Aur Chunnu bhi peechhe nahin hai, bilkul apne bhai k jaisa hai. Aray haan, mere bhai ne bahar se Camera bheja hai, iss se achha to aur kahin hoga he nahin. Allah, itni saari tasveerain aati hain iss mein. Yeh meri tasweer dekho. Buhut achhi hai na?’ And that picture will have nothing, just tons of makeup on a painted pastry of an aanti.
Anyone remember that old Butterscotch ad, well we have our very own “Chalti jaaye’ aanties. She’ll never ever get tired of talking. Be it her susraal, maika, mohalla or family matter, she’ll just talk and talk like a never ending tape. If you’ll try to add your bit in it, she’ll never let you finish, cut you in mid sentence and start all over. She’ll change the topic in an instant and you’ll never be able to get how the conversation suddenly changed
With modern day innovations, some technological aanties have appeared too. They don’t harm you in any sense but they are up to date on the new gadgets and stuff. Be it a laptop, iPod or smart phones, she is always updated on them and will be seen with possession of latest gadgets where on the other hand, there are majority of aanties who don’t even know how to move the mouse icon. And you may also find the wannabe techno-wiz aanties. They call iPhones, the ‘iPod jaisa touch kerne wala phone.
Then comes the superstitious/wehmi aantiyaan. She’ll bring the cheap superstitions in almost everything you do. Kaali billi jin hoti hai, uss se door rehna !! Chaurahay (Roundabout) k paas se mat guzarna. Ganda andaa para hua hai, kisi ne kuchh kara hua hoga, iss per se phalaangna mat. Haven’t we all heard similar things from some aanties sometime in our life? The stupid Indian channels have increased the number of superstitions too.
There are also taanay maarne wali aantiyaan. She’ll scold you or anyone else every time she’ll talk about them and will go like ‘Haaye kumbakhat, keeray parain manhoos ko. Apne kaam se kaam nahin rakh sakti, jahannum mein jaayen. Aik shahkhs bhi shareef nahin hai in k ghar mein, pata nahin kis mitti k banay hain’.On the other hand, there are phadday wali aanties also. She is the aanti whom the whole mohalla fears, specially the kirkiter bachchay. They fear to hit the ball in her balcony or at windows. Kisi shaitan se kum nahin hotin yaar, becharay bachchon ki ball le leti hain. She also holds grudges against some people in the neighbourhood and are never on good terms with them or even their children. Make sure you are NEVER on their bad side.
Enough of these evils, there are also some aanties within us who work for the betterment of others around her. For example, tuitions wali aanty. They might not be well educated themselves but her house is always full of students. From little kids to grown ups/matric students, she teaches them like a mother. There are also tailor aanties. She is well known around the mohalla and her home is usually filled with different clothes, laces and cotton reels. She is a master in bargaining. Her day revolves around the household chores and the sewing machine.
We all also have our very own dan danaa dan, Rahat baaji in almost every house. She thinks that no one in the world is a better cook than her and regularly tampers with recipes. Sit with her and she’ll start talking you about the food related stuff. The Most said dialogue will be, ‘Zaiqa tou aurat ke haath mein hota hai.’ You will surely end up having at least one recipe handed to you and she’ll also call you timely to ask if you tried it and will ask you to share your experience.
And this, fellow friends, concludes our edition dedicated to the colourful aanties that surround us. And behind 3 tonnes of makeup, there is love hidden in their hearts. Too bad that some traits overshadow it. Lekin, phir hum dua kerain ge; ‘Iss aafat se bache rahein, phuss gaye tou marr gaye Sir jee!’
Composed by Zain and Ayela with contributions from Sana