Monthly Archives: June 2015

No more

I have grown up with friends and cousins who as soon as they reached puberty, had only one aim in life. Talk to girls, 24/7. This though is the story of every single guy unless he is spending his life in Madressah. Coming through that, obviously, I got those germs too but I was never a guy girls would go gaga over. I was a fat nerd who would try to sneak a look at the girl and then fantasize a life with her in the sleepless hours. I grew up through that. While some friends were consistently discussing their “love” life and confiding in me with their relationship secrets, I was still looking for the one and only I’ll have. I didn’t know the art of building conversations or how to kill off someone’s boredom.

I have cousins who’d give me phone numbers of random girls every week to win them over and then ask them for easy loads or other stuff. I have friends who, on my idea, added random girls on Facebook and became bestest of friends with them. I just couldn’t. I sound as the biggest pervert and maila almost every time but when it comes to practically do it, there’s no one more gutless than me.

I was mocked by friends over this. When I had a serious crush on one of the cousins, I made it look too obvious that she grouped up with others and totally played with. Upon realising it, I had only one mission. Fill the phonebook with phone number of girls.

Even though I loathe her but on the other hand, I’m thankful to her too. If that phase hadn’t happened in my life, I’d not have been what I am today. That stint provided with me a girl best friend, who has literally taught me the art of getting around with people. It was her stubbornness which made me do every kind of effort to kill her boredom off.

Since then, I have been on that mission. My chat list now only has one guy, who is no less than a typical girlfriend. Along that, the search for “that one” continued. Crushes happened but they were over within a month. Hell, I have been throned as the life long president of both the friend and brother zone.

Finally, this one person clicked to my heart like none other. For a month or two, I didn’t think I had any chance but there was something which was telling me to be brave enough and go for it. It did. I received a good response. All I had to do was build on it. As I had finally been able to get rid of insomnia, I had barely known her well for couple of days when I lost my sleep over her. It continued. I have been totally genuine with her. I have found the “dream girl” I told all my close friends about. She isn’t perfect, neither am I. I hate her at times but this is it. This is the final chapter. The search finishes here. It’s pretty easy being and pretending what you are not rather than just being yourself. I have done all I could to win her over and still doing it. I guess I have but there’s too long to go now.

I will definitely not be able to do any thing more if this breaks up. I have given it all and been it in with all my heart. Just no more.. No more I’ll be able to feel for someone else. No more I will be able to make an effort for someone. No more I will be able to look up to someone else like this. No more I’ll be able to hold myself together.

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Posted by on June 10, 2015 in Random


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Writer’s block and a high tide of emotions may not allow me to write exactly what I want to or how I want to structure it. I’ll still go about it.

I came to this haunted home as a 6 month old when it was one of the most feared areas of the city, yet it was one of the most beautiful too. I have grown up here. Amidst all the chaos and fear. There’s a unit office in my neighborhood and I have grown up through those feared times. This is more about the cherished memories that will be left.

The market right opposite to my home. That market has grown with me. There is a bond with all them shop owners. For most of them, I’m like their own kid. Others, they have become friends. There is one who has named his kid after me. The barber just outside my door who was killed in sectarian killings last year :'(. Too many memories in these 24 years..

Then, there’s my mohalla. 32 flats, almost the exact number of families and infinite memories. This little corridor where we played cricket, hockey, football and what not. Where almost every week I got my knees and hands bruised. Those cricket politics for being the team captain. That growing up phase where there was only one girl and everyone wanted to be her bae. Those endless powerless hours when one guy was the target of all the jokes. That week before Baqr Eid where whole nights were spent playing ludo and betting. The fights, the friendships, all the arguments. My biggest nemesis is here and I don’t think I will ever have a soft corer for that asshole. I’d still want one last fight with him and tell him who actually the boss is. I don’t like to brag but I’m respected so much that if all these aunties had daughters, at least half of them had already approached my mom for possible rishta.

Finally, these two rooms and a lounge. Ever since I gained senses, I knew that half of this home is haunted. The room in which I’m composing this. There wasn’t supposed to be any dirtiness here. I waived it off till I saw those figures myself. Apart from that, much more memories will be left behind here. That phase of my childhood where I was a psycho loner and all I did was to create imaginary teams and played all types of sports with them. That little cassette player and that one song from the 90’s I could sleep without listening to. My grandfather had come back from his eye operation and I hit that same eye with a plastic ball. The way he sneaked me in on Fridays when he watched wrestling. There’s much more, so much more to write down but I might break down now. I am leaving this home by tomorrow. All these memories will be left behind only to be cherished in some of the family moments. I’ll sign off with this:

Jiss mein jawaan ho karr budnaam hum huay…

Uss ghar, uss gali, uss mohallay ko salaam!

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Posted by on June 7, 2015 in Random


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