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Monthly Archives: May 2016

Of moments, memories and….. seriousness

You were wandering around somewhere in the realms of darkness, pretending to enjoy the fragile cloak of rudeness and profanity and then you see someone on the virtual worlds of internet and immediately something clicks inside you. You knew for a fact that this horizon is 99% fake but that sudden click you had, it brought along a feeling of something genuine. You released that cloak a little to let you know what this light had brought along with it. It brought along with it the positivism that you had always craved for. It brought along with it the sense of genuineness which had no alternative. It felt like you finally had something that you had always wanted. You put down that cloak and pull up yourself, for one final time, for one last effort, to climb out of that deepest pit of self inflicted darkness and to soak that light completely.

You took little steps, keeping yourself under that ray of light as it guided you towards exiting the pit. You forgot about yourself almost totally in the bid to keep that light with you. As you climbed up further, you started getting scared of darkness. You were darkness’ favorite demon and now you shivered at even the thought of it getting dark. You haD little moments where you thought that all that wait was totally worth it. You kept a snap of those moments to cherish later when you have reached your promised land. You got along with those moments, to create more. You evolved yourself in that process. You found hidden things and abilities about you, extracted by that ray as it started getting brighter and brighter. You never felt that much motivated before and you decided to give in all you could. You decided to defy all odds. You created more memories and held on to that light. You decided you will never share it with anyone else. Once you soak it all in, you will keep it hidden from others because it is all yours. You dedicated yourself for it. You got jealous when someone else tried to come near it.

There were patches where clouds came and diminished that ray but you fought those to get that light over you again. Every time you sent away those clouds, your destination became more and more clear. You felt more confident. You started understanding it more. You got yourself used to it. You wandered around at times to take a faster route but you couldn’t. You had to collaborate with the shining star. Then one day when you were down and tired, you didn’t see the clouds coming. You couldn’t determine it’s getting darker. Couple of days later, it rained heavily. That’s when you realised the mistake that you had made. You should have never let the tiredness take you down. It needed an effort much harder than the starting steps to send away the rain and dark clouds. You were fighting on two fronts at that moment. The rain itself and the guilt of letting it rain. You had never deserved that light to guide if it had to rain like this only, when you have come up this far. You pulled yourself up, you got a reminder of all those moments that you had created, of those little memories inside them, you fought for those. You fought those clouds, you let them drain on you because you deserved all that. Once you were drenched, you picked yourself up again. You couldn’t lose it now or you would have fallen right down on your back and would never be able to get up again. You reached out for that shine again. You spoke of what motivated you and still had kept you going. You spoke of your jealousies, your effort, your desires and everything. You spoke of the transition that had happened. You had held it all up and waited for a moment when you reach the top to say it all but it was the time. You told all that had been cooking inside while you were still getting up. You shared your desires of everything you wanted to do when you reached the top. You let it all out and raised your hand, still drenched in the rain, to lift you up and take you out of it…

It wasn’t meant to be then. You still had to crawl your way up. You did. You put in more effort and more care this time. There were still overcast days but you swiped them off. Reaching up there was now your top most priority. All along, you created more memories. You were a part of many more moments than you had before. You caressed them. You wanted them to be repeated. You kept falling for them more and more. Some got stamped on your heart and mind. You continued on your journey and then one fine moment, you get introduced to the more sheer brilliance of what you had been chasing. You felt there was so much more to be discovered yet. You geared up yourself for it too. Your eyes lit up and sensed the edge getting closer and closer.

Suddenly, there comes a lid as you were still under the influence of this new shine. The lid of seriousness and a permanent shadow. You were asked to halt right there. You were asked to watch your movement and not climb any further. You were told there’s nothing there. After all that you had done, it came to this abrupt stop. You were perplexed. You didn’t know how to react. All those moments started to run around in your mind one by one. You tried to hold onto your sanity. You agreed to all that was said to you. Inside you, there was this race between the darkness and the light that still sneaked in. All those demons that you had left behind you, it felt like they were speeding themselves up to drag you down again with you. You thought for a moment to let them take you away but the pull from that shine was still strong enough. You still had some strength left to hold yourself there and reflect on it. You still believed there’s something waiting for you and it will come at its designated time. You are ready to fight through this too. You have a feeling that you will be embraced. There’s only one thing that holds you a little back. When? And will you still have enough strength left to take one final leap and embrace it? You know there will be support but you’re afraid of losing your grip and getting lost in the darkness. You’re afraid of never getting out of the pit… You’re afraid of totally losing this remaining light there is….

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Posted by on May 26, 2016 in Random

 

“I’m not beautiful”, you said one day. I wish you realise how much beautiful you are because you will probably not take my word seriously for it. From your physical attributes to the person that you are, I could go on all day to explain all day how much beautiful you are and it’d still be not enough.

Have you ever seen your hair flowing with the air? Have you ever realised how much adorable your smile is? You’re tall, you’re hot, you’re smart, you’re witty, you have brains, you have an exceptional sense of humour, your big eyes, those expressions of yours when you like something that you have done, and the cutest of all, the little dimple that you get. I could go on and on but I will save something for later.

I have mad respect for you because of the way you have lived your life till now, overcoming every hardship life had to throw at you. You stayed true to the name you have been given, showing the world that nothing can put you down. Despite all the shit, you have pulled yourself through and conquered. Damn you, girl!! I wish I had an even inch of the courage you have.

I thought I had known you almost completely but since this past week, it feels like I have only known a glimpse of you. You are so much more than you look. There’s so much more to explore about you, to understand you and I know that is much more awesome than what I had already known. I wish to know more of your passionate side and all that is still classified.

I am lucky enough to be the person you share your things with easily. I think I have done probably some good things in my life that I was rewarded with getting to know you. I look at your smiling avi first up in morning because it charges me up like nothing else. Till the moment you send me “moorninngg”, I don’t feel like doing anything. And when it’s just a simple “Morning”, my heart immediately starts to race and to get to the depth of the thing that has caused you to be upset. Nothing seems to work when you’re down. I want to try all I can in that moment to know what’s disturbing you. I know I am so annoying at that moment when I keep asking you what has happened but I just can’t help it. In that moment, I just want to squeeze in all that sadness from you.

I have mad respect for you, Paglee, and I can’t ever bring myself to take it for granted. I will seriously hurt myself from the guilt if it is ever tarnished. I know the limits and boundaries that we have and I swear it to you, I’m never crossing those. And I know it for instance that if I ever get carried away, you’ll halt me right there.

I fear losing you and this bond that we share. I have totally dedicated myself for you and your happiness. I can’t think of pulling out from it now. You are everything I have now apart from my career. I don’t ever want to lose this awesome-azing person from my life.

 
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Posted by on May 20, 2016 in Random