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Tag Archives: Sadness

Misery, let’s party

You pick yourself up one last time with that enlightening support beside you. Despite being thrashed and abandoned, you get up and hold on to that support. Despite your past pulling you back into misery, you grab on to that support. You come out of it. You see the demons being left behind. You arrogantly wave them goodbye because you know it’s all bright ahead of you, and you continue walking. You hold that support tightly, hug it and move along it. You lose it occasionally but you never let go of it. You see your future settled. You reach the halfway mark of your destination. You wait for the support to pull you further. Just as you lift your step, you’re pushed back to where it started from. Misery has its arms wide open to squeeze you in. You make one last ditch effort to repel the force. You’re helped into the misery by the support itself. It has turned into a shadow darker than the demons you left behind. You can’t help but turn towards misery. Smiling and embracing it totally. Misery, let’s get the party started.

 
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Posted by on July 31, 2017 in Random

 

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It fades away… again…

You know… When you’re just down and out… When you don’t give a rat’s ass about anyone and do whatever the hell you want.. Because you have had enough of people betraying you or using you… There comes a point when you realise what have you become and you feel bad about it but in a moment, you shake it off… You do almost all kinds of immoral things… Defy your conscience… You own them and feel proud of being a rebellion… You just fade away in the darkest of shadows of your soul, never wanting to emerge back from it.

And then out of the blue, there comes this little ray… You try to deflect it away but it somehow refracts inside you… You start to rise up from that shadow… The more you refuse it, the more it grabs you… You fight through it but you have to give up against the hope and charm it brings… You finally rise up again and muster the courage to go back to your original self… The shadow keeps lurking around but you fight it out.. You fight it out with words, with actions, with laughter, with arguments, with little moments of affection, with care, with burying your ego, with things you had never done before, with everything that you can do to keep that shadow as far away as possible…

The ray starts to brighten up as you grow more and more closer to it… You finally know that this was all you wanted, all this time… You draw more and more closer to it… This is one last time you have made an effort… You have spent here all the little that was left in you… You have finally found your shining star…

You begin to settle down with it… You finally have all that you wanted… You are too much into the light that you never consider the darkness increasing behind you… It starts to draw upon you… It was never as bright as you thought it to be… It was always one of those flashlights which created a temporary illusion and you lived in that…

The light starts to fade away gradually… You want to confront the illusion it created but you don’t have the strength… You only curse yourself for falling for the illusion… The shadow starts to grow again… You try to hold on to whatever the little light that is left but the shadow’s attraction is too strong… You have nothing left in yourself now… You wouldn’t be affected by the most powerful of the lasers… You fall into the pit… You fade away.. Again… This time, beyond the darkest of dark… You are tempted to perform the darkest of arts… You do them with a sick laughter… There’s no coming back this time… But the homecoming isn’t as sweet as it was thought to be… You were darkness’ favorite son… And then you chased the light… Now that you have come back to darkness, you find yourself lonely here… Even loneliness is angered at you… The barren thoughts have also rejected you…

 
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Posted by on November 19, 2015 in Random

 

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A tale of love

“Though she tries but she can’t hide, all her joy wrapped up inside..

She can’t wait to reveal, and tell you how she feels…”

It was ringing in his ears as he tried his best to concentrate on the words coming out of her mouth. May be it was the last time he would hear her voice. The voice which had been his most favourite music ever since he heard her for the first time. The voice he thought would sing him lullabies in his insomniac nights. It was slowly fading away.

She tried to reach him. Tell him how much he means to her, for all he had done for her. She remembered him telling her how much he loved her, only to shrug it off with a laugh. It was like his all other jokes to her, only an assurance that he’ll be there by her side on her worst day. He stepped back, because he knew that even her scent would shatter this rock into gravel millet.

She was shocked but the thought of her journey ahead overcame it within moments. She gave one last confused stare and turned. As she had taken the first step, the cold and and trembling hand got hold of hers. She looked petrified but tried to shrug it off. He held her hand more tightly, looking into her eyes. But she couldn’t. She realised the mistake she had committed but it was too late now. She had her head hanging, somehow trying to make him let her hand loose. He got closer, with tears stocking up. “I can’t”, she mumbled. “Look me in the eye and say it again”, he said in his usual soft tone, the tone which had calmed her in the worst of moments.

She broke down. She had wanted to hug him there for entirety but it was all too late. She shrugged off her hand hardly and ran off. With a trembling voice, he called her, her favorite nickname.. She halted and turned, to look at tears rolling down his cheeks. “I was darkness’ favorite son till you brought the sunshine to my life. As you leave now, I’ll only be stranded, in this sunlight, which will be darker than the darkness itself”, and the rivers were flowing down from both of them. “I love you”, and a stream of tears flowed.

“I love you and I can’t force you to be here with me. Just know that I’ll be here, waiting for you, for a new dawn of my life.” All he had left were infinite tears after it. He couldn’t look at her. She went up to him and wiped off his tears. “Please don’t cry. I’d never want to see those”, but tears stocked up on her again. “May you get someone worthy real soon and may you fall for her more than you ever fell for me”. His hands were soaked up in her tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t have any other choice”, she said while backing off from him.

There was suddenly a smile on his face. He realised he had promised to never make her cry because of him. He could have stayed strong and all the joy she had, it would have never worn off. “I love you and I’ll never fall for anyone else because that would be utterly disrespectful to you. I had sworn upon my life that I’ll never do that to you. Just know that if you ever need me, You’ll find me right here.” A silence but it spoke billions of words in their heads. “Now go before I break down again. I want you to leave me smiling.” Her face in her palms, she turned and ran off. Just as her last bit of vision had gone from his eyes, the heavens started crying with him too…

 
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Posted by on March 14, 2015 in Random

 

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Those little feelings..

When you like someone and just can’t say it to them or either show it to them…

When you have that little fear inside that it might be revealed…

When you talk and laugh with that person but is just scared to take a step forward…

When you fail at making them smile when they are down…

When you just can’t make them reveal their problems to you…

Those little feelings of failing…

Those little feelings of reverting back to ground zero again…

Those little feelings when that person brags to you about someone else making them feel better…

Those little feelings making you feel like a loser…

They make sure they haunt you on the brightest of days…

They just never leave…

They just never leave…..

 

 
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Posted by on March 16, 2013 in Random

 

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The burden of a decision

Imagining an episode of S.W.A.T Kats and putting himself in place of T-Bone, every single time he had a bad day, he thought of joining Air force and then bombarding the house of the teacher and classmates he hated the most. He did everything and was about to join the Airforce school just before his matriculation but was not allowed to join.

Keeping that ambition in a slight corner inside his heart, he decided to move on. His another passion were numbers. Whenever he felt tired because of studies, all he did was to pick up his Maths book and started solving problems. Fresh after his graduation from school, he did not know where to steer his life. He was left stranded as so many opportunities were trying to make him to grab them and make his future. The dream of becoming a pilot was still inside him but he was never physically competent enough now to realise his dream.  That’s where the love for numbers took over his mind. He thought becoming a finance student was all about number crunching and usage of calculators. There was never any counselling and out of nowhere, he chose to become a Chartered Accountant.

No one in his surrounding knew about Chartered Accountancy. All they knew that he’ll be earning grands once he’ll be done with his studies. Just because he was always amongst the top 3 students in his class every year, it was believed that he will easily complete this tough qualification.

Deep inside, he knew himself about how far behind he was from the world but was never allowed to speak up. It was all bad manners whenever he tried to convey his point of view. To cope up with it, he opted to only keep quiet. He started his journey towards becoming a CA but it was never a piece of cake. Failures were evident but hey, he was supposed to be a top student. He was supposed to do any thing put in front of him. He was the next big thing. That’ what his parents thought, without even asking him about what he actually is studying and having any clue about what is really happeing in the field.

The failures came and he was, as it has always been when it was a matter of even a single mark, at the receiving end of non-stop taunts. He was blamed to waste his time in front of the computer and not studying as he should have. He was blamed for becoming an insomniac as he tried to stay up late and cover his studies. He was blamed because he once refused to drive to a relatives’ place when he had an exam next day. He was blamed when he was attending his recovering father just 2 days before his exams. He was blamed when he was woken up on exam day after just 4 hours of sleep. It was truly all his fault because he was the one who took up this lucrative decision of joining CA and thinking to earn grands as other people just start their jobs at that age. It was all his fault because he thought numbers amused him. It surely was all his fault.

He remained quiet, as he has always been. He listened to all the criticism calmly. He looked up at the sky, the full moon was shining brightly, telling him to be strong as it is because no matter what, that little spherical beauty comes up every night to lighten up the dark and guide us through it. Sometimes, the little crescent makes us smile and when it’s high, it just gives us infinite reasons to love it. There’s always some light at the end of the dark to guide us through the bad patches of life.

Check it out. It's always there to smile at you and tell you that no problem is the worst. You have the potential to do anything.

Check it out. It’s always there to smile at you and tell you that no problem is the worst. You have the potential to do anything.

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2013 in Random

 

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